Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
