you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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