Sry I called you an 8
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
