Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize