If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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