He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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