just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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