I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
