So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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