this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
