If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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