You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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