opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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