Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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