can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
