He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
