why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
