now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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