I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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