I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
