sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
