So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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