only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
