Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
