So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
