I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I've blown a few things in my day
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
