I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
