I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've blown a few things in my day
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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