i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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