I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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