the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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