I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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