Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
