chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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