walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
