Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
