my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
