we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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