I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
