Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im six kinds of drunk right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
