Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
