Your mouth is God's brothel.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
