theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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