there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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