The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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