I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
