wakey wakey hands off snakey
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
