You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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