His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
