He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
