my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
