It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
