Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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