yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
