Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
