i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
