Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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