I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
