SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I could fuck to npr.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
