he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I did not marry a roomba.
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