How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
