: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
