Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
