he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
