I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
