i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
