I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
