Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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