I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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