I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
