I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
